Spring Has Sprung… And Then It Vanished…

But NOT at DBB. Spring and Fall are my favorite seasons.

I’m excited because given the mess that’s been happening over the past 6 or so months, I’m finally feeling like I can do things again.

It’s a whole 13 degrees outside this morning here in West Chester.. I didn’t sleep very well but that’s alright. Whenever the sun is out in full force, I feel like I can conquer anything… even if my eyes are burning and want to stay shut.

My boss (I have a day job) said something to me the other day that has been weighing on my mind. Not in a bad way… He said “I don’t know who this new person is…” and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. Ever since my niece, and my best friend were diagnosed with cancer, I’ve felt like I’ve been in a fog. No thought I’ve processed, has been a complete one, or has made sense the day after when I’ve thought about it again. My niece was 8 weeks old when she was diagnosed… 8 weeks old, with stage 4 Neuroblastoma… She’s 6 months old now and she is going to be ok. My best friend was 46… Unlike my niece, however, she didn’t last more than 5 months after her diagnosis. With an advanced stage of cancer in 3 different locations that she had for who knows how long before they found it… She lost her battle. Or did she?

One of the things I made sure to tell Suzy before she passed was to not stay here. Whether you believe in ghosts or not, we do. I didn’t want her to linger here. And it’s weird… The weekend of her funeral, I felt a strange calm. I think I can honestly say it’s been hanging around me ever since. Things aren’t bothering me as bad as they used too. Don’t get me wrong, I still get annoyed as hell. I was in some sort of irritable mood yesterday over some dumb things but it wasn’t as bad as it used to be.

I guess seeing people close to you go through things that they’re undeserving of makes you realize that you don’t have any reason to be upset. I have no reason to ever despair. It doesn’t mean that we don’t anyway… but it does put things into perspective really fast. I watched my best friend go from a happy hermit to unresponsive and dying in a 5 month period. I watched my 8 week old niece try to “talk” to me while full of tubes in the PICU.

And it pains me to think that people have seen, and experienced so much worse. So yes… I suppose I am a new person. Not completely, but enough that I have more respect for the fact that you just don’t know. You don’t know what is going to happen, or what is happening that is making someone upset. The super angry person that ruined your day, could be going home to a dying spouse. Maybe they lost a child. Maybe they lost a parent…

You just don’t know. So keep that in mind when you’re upset and having a bad day… Too many people are having a day so much worse than yours.

I’ve made a soap for these beautiful ladies. Well, Aria (my niece) can’t use it because she’s only a baby so I actually made it for Suzy and named it after Aria. It’s unscented and made for sensitive skin. You can find it Here . If it’s sold out, please check back for restocking info! Its available by the bar, and soon will be available by the loaf. Curing time is 4-6 weeks. Special orders contact me first, please.

Nooo I’m not trying to use them as an advertising scheme. That’s just trash. Though to be honest, Suzy would be sitting there talking to me saying “Homie you need to advertise that shit… Do it. Do it now.” I can hear her in my head and it makes me laugh. Out loud.

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